Never Off Dead
by TheGoofyCat
Summary: When Chris Chambers walked into the fast food restaurant he never thought he would come out the other side six feet under. Faced with being stuck in limbo for the rest of his life it's up to him to save the life of Ace Merrills daughter. Now he finds himself back to fifteen and in the mid eighties and if things aren't complicate enough he has no idea where to start.(Dark Humor!)


Hey! Another new story. So this is like a black comedy/romance story that doesn't take itself seriously I mean have you read the summary? lol. Anyway hope you enjoy it and maybe leave a review.

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><p><em><strong>Never Off Dead<br>TheGoofyCat**_

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><p><em><strong>Limbo - <strong>**1985 **_

Fuck! He felt stiff, like he had been sleeping in the same position for hours, but he hadn't been sleeping he had been standing in line at Babe's Burgers waiting for the grease-pimpled ridden teenager to take his order and mess it up, well now he had no idea where he was, he was in line but he was definitely not in Babe's Burgers.

"What the-" Escaped his lips but he was cut-off by a male voice from behind.

"Shh! They could use that against you!"

"Wh-what do you mean?" He question as he turned round. He gasped at the sight in front of him - A man around his eighties with a bullet wound through his skull. "How? I mean- What?"

"They don't take too kind to curse words around here," The man answered ignoring the fact that a stranger was now staring right through his head and seeing the old lady behind him. "Ahh, I see," the irony was in fact that he had no right eye. "You're new! I'm Howard by the way-" He held out his hand.

"Chris. Chris Chambers." Chris took it and the two were locked in a tight hold. Chris shifted uncomfortably after all he was looking at the insides of a man's face, when the guys at the office told him that he was in for a rough day he didn't expect them to mean this.

"What you in for?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you last remember? Last thing I remember was drinking a bottle of scotch and watching an episode of All In The Family! You see I've been here for just over a decade- they say I'm a lost soul at the minute but really they don't know shit!"

"Howard!" The lady behind gave him a glare.

"Sorry, Marge. We all know where you're going today. But I'm sick of waiting, God-damnit-Ow!" Howard felt a blow to his head from Marjorie's handbag , he turned to Chris. "You think being dead and all that wouldn't hurt, but it does!"

"Dead?"

"Yeah, caput, six feet under, deceased, departed, expired-"

"Oh, poor soul doesn't know he's dead."

"I'm dead?" Chris frowned. "No! I can't be, I'm in line at a fast food restaurant. I'm not dead!" He told himself. What he was witnessing was a really bad dream.

"Boy," Howard sighed. "And some say fast food don't kill ya! What'd you have? The mega burger? Large fries?"

"Howard! You silly fool, look at his neck!" Marge pointed out.

Chris stepped back away from the strange couple as he brought his right hand to his neck he felt something sticking out of it and he pulled on it gently and it slipped out of his neck slowly, his eyes looked down at the silver blade in his hand and suddenly everything flashed through his mind.

The car ride to work. The pretty receptionist at the desk. The paper that sat on his desk. The line at Babe's Burgers. The two guys ahead of him in a fight. The knife!

He suddenly felt weak, this was it! This was the end. He was dead! Caput! Six feet under! Deceased! Departed! Expired! Dead as can be!

"NEXT"

"Go on boy, it's your turn!" Howard smirked as he nudged him forward. "Good luck! Save me a place on the good train."

Chris stepped forward until he reached a small desk that a receptionist sat behind, she wasn't pretty like the receptionist in work. He silently swore at himself for never asking Tracy out.

"Name!" The receptionist asked sternly.

"Chambers, Chris."

"You'll have to be more specific. Full name, d/o/b, location." She took her eyes of her computer, Chris scanned her name-badge that read 'Lolly', he decided he didn't like _L__olly. _"Come on Mr. Chambers, you think I have all day? You're not the only one who's dead."

"Chambers, Andrew, Christopher. 12/17/1946. Castle Rock, Oregon."

"Thank you!" She smiled as sickly as her name as she typed the information into her computer, she impatiently tapped her pen on her desk as she waited for it too load. "Right, here we are."

Chris scoffed slightly. "Computers sure are fast in the after life."

She didn't respond, "Hmm," She hummed. "Seems like you still have some work to do Mr. Chambers."

"Huh?"

"We're going to have to send you back down."

"What?" Chris raised his eyebrows.

"Hahahaha! Good on you, Son." Howard laughed.

"Mr. Franks quiet down." Lolly glared at him and then gave Chris her attention. "Does the name Merrill ring a bell with you?"

"Uh-yeah." Chris gulped as Ace Merrill suddenly flashed through his mind.

"Well you've been assigned to save that someone from a certain death."

"What?"

"You have to-"

"I heard." Chris shot her down. "I have to save Ace Merrill?"

Her eyes scanned the computer screen again. "No. Ariel Merrill the daughter of one John Merrill. Do you accept Mr. Chambers? If you don't I'm afraid you'll stay here just a little while longer." Chris didn't answer until she repeated herself and Howard gave him a small shove.

"Uh-Yeah. Okay."

"Okay. Do you want me to pick you a partner or do you want to pick yourself?"

Partner? To Chris this was all very Police Academy.

"Him. I guess." Chris pointed to Howard.

"Me?" Howard's one eye widened.

"Mr. Chambers are you sure?" Chris nodded his head. "Okay." She shrugged. "Hmm. Well this won't do!" She told Chris as her eyes scanned him up and down.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't exactly send you down looking like you do, can I?" She frowned.

Chris suddenly remembered the deep knife wound that slit right through his neck.

"And Ariel Merrill is a fifteen year old girl. You can't exactly make friends with her when you are...what? uhhh forty-five?"

"Thirty-nine." Chris grunted through gritted teeth.

"I'll get the guys in Cloud Eight to give you a once over, they can give you the mind and body of a fifteen year old."

Clouds? He was in a cloud?

"They can do that?"

"Yes! We can do anything."

"Uh? What about me?" Howard butted in. "I can't be his partner when I look old enough to be his great-grandfather. I wanna be fifteen too, I'd do anything to get rid of these bunions."

"Oh, alright you can be the kids father, forty-five will do," Lolly told him. "But if you screw this up you'll be stuck here for all eternity."

"Fine by me."

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><p><strong><em>Cloud 8<em>**

"So here's all the information you will need," Lolly passed Chris a little black book, as a guy who could only be described as a surgeon patched him up. "This book stays with you at all times, under no circumstances must you lose it."

"So that'll tell me how to save her? The date and time?"

"Unfortunately we can't see into the future Mr. Chambers we just get the names. And Miss. Merrill is not supposed to be on this list."

"What if I fail?"

"Then you're stuck here for eternity." And with a click of her fingers Lolly was gone.

And as someone in a white coat stuck a needle in his arm the world turned white...

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><p>Okay this is totally random but I hope you liked it. This is a ChrisOC romance, how will he fall in love with Ace Merrills daughter? Don't forget he has the mind and body of a fifteen year old. What about Gordie? Will they meet? Will older Gordie recognise him?

Let's just hope Chris and Howard don't mess this up.


End file.
